R.I.P. Nelson Ray Bridges II

So today is December 11. For those of you who are unfamiliar with that date, 2 years ago on this date, my dad was killed by a drunk driver in downtown Amarillo. He died shortly after 9 pm after being worked on by several doctors and nurses for 4 hours. I can easily say that was the worst day of my life.

I still remember every detail about that day. I remember exactly what I was wearing and what I looked like. I still remember the weather that day. I still remember every moment from the hospital that night and from church shortly before that incident went down. I still remember waking up at 11:43 in the morning to a text from my dad that asked me if I wanted to go down to the shop and fool around with cars. I replied with a "Nah. Thanks anyways." but changed my mind several minutes later to "Yeah. Let me take a shower real quick." and he invited me to lunch at the Golden Corral. I hate that place. But I had no idea that would be the last lunch I'd ever have with my dad. After lunch with my dad and uncle Chris whose birthday was that very day, we headed out to the shop. We walked out of the restaurant and my dad cracked a joke about how I parked right out front of the restaurant and he parked "over in the next zip code." This was a classic Nelson moment. He could make anyone laugh and if you didn't laugh at one of his jokes, you didn't have a heartbeat.

I remember us all driving to the shop and going inside to work on some cars. I stayed there for a couple hours and left shortly after 4 to go home and get something to eat before heading to church for the Christmas drama practice. I had no idea that would be the last time I ever told my dad that I loved him and that the "bye" would be so literal.

At 5-ish, Andrew had gotten a text from a friend telling us that dad had been in a wreck and was at the hospital. I didn't have my phone on me so I went up to where I had left it and looked.. Yep. A text from Mark telling me the same thing. Andrew and I left and drove to BSA, worrying about what could have happened. All we knew was that my dad had been in a wreck with another truck. Details were very vague at this time until we got to the hospital and walked in to see mom and Kellye sitting at the reception desk trying to find out where dad was. He was upstairs but he wasn't in good shape. Every time the doctor came back to share with us what was going on, the news were progressively getting worse and worse. Broken right knee, pelvis, injuries to the side of the chest and arm, and trauma to the side of the face and head. Internal bleeding. They were giving him bag after bag after bag of blood and were desperately trying to help him breathe. He was still alive but unconscious. Eventually, he died.

What had happened was my dad was walking toward the shop off the street and was standing in front of his truck when William hit the backside of my dad's truck doing twice the speed limit at 70. My dad was only standing near the corner of the truck so the impact knocked him out of the way while William's truck pushed my dad's truck into the back of yet another car on the next block, bending the '72 GMC in half. The front of the bed was pushed well into the cab where the driver's side door would not open. The bed had been smashed in to where the sides bowed out.

William was only sentenced to 15 years and will most likely be out earlier. This was William's 5th DUI. The Monday of the same week he hit my father, William had been arrested for his 4th DUI and bail bonded out of jail on the Thursday before that fateful Friday. It took 5 DUIs and taking my dad's life before the City of Amarillo said they would reevaluate their justice system and after giving William such a small sentence in those circumstances, I'm still not happy with how William's trial went. I never will be. Before you ask, yes, I've forgiven him and moved on. That doesn't mean I have to go fishing with the man or become his buddy. I've forgiven him but for his safety and well-being, he better not come anywhere near to me. I don't care if anyone thinks that's wrong. Get over it. I never want to see that man again. I refuse to. It still is difficult for me to even want to stay here after what happened that night. It still is after how people expect me to live to their expectations and standards. It seems as if they still haven't realized that their expectations and opinions do not define me. I'm me. That's all there is to it. It's funny how true this quote is:

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment!"
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

However, there are a few things in Amarillo that I love which keeps me sane. I love going to school and volunteering at Vermillion. Those places make me want to improve myself and make me discipline myself. I also love working on my hot rod projects at home as that's what my dad and I loved to do. We would work for hours and hours on the most small of projects. I still have the '48 Chevrolet truck that my dad and I started when I was in high school that will get finished eventually. My garage is my escape from reality.

But in the end, my dad's gone. He's been gone two years today. If you were to ask me if life's any easier, I wouldn't be able to give you an answer to that question. I still struggle with the concept of not having a dad to come home to. It really sucks knowing how quickly it went from being able to say "I have a dad" to "I had a dad." I regret not being a better son. I regret not spending as much time with him as I could have. I regret leaving him that day to go to drama practice. If I hadn't gone, then I would have been with him and maybe I would have saw that drunk barreling down Fillmore street and told him to get out of the way. Maybe he would somehow be still alive had I not left but I'll never know. We never will. There were so many things that could have happened to change the circumstances of that day but in the end, my dad got killed. It's not easy accepting that fact but it happened. I don't want a pity party. I don't want people telling me they're sorry.

This happened. This is a major part of me whether I like it or not. I just think people should know this is a major part of me. There are so many people in Amarillo that I could easily live without and my dad wasn't one of them. He was one of the few that kept me sane. He was one of the few that made me want to better myself. He's one of the few examples that taught me to be myself without regard to what other people think and without having to answer to anyone.

I miss that guy more than you will ever imagine.

R.I.P. Nelson Ray Bridges II

Self-Righteous Hot Rodder?

While I wouldn’t call myself that, it seems like everyone makes me out to be one. Some people have given me their opinions on what I’m building, referring to my 1928 Model A Coupster as a “Rat Rod.” That’s right. You know who you are. One of my challenges is holding true to my vision although few in Amarillo would understand why I would rather get an original Model A frame than use a tube steel frame.

So, I decided to make a blog post on my thoughts and opinions about the term “Rat Rod” which is thrown around too loosely and the differences between a hot rod and a street rod as well. While I could go into details about the other aspects of classic cars such as pro street, pro touring, kustom, mild custom, lowriders, taildraggers, et cetera, I want to stick with the aforementioned three topics; hot rods, street rods, and rat rods because these oftentimes refer to the 20’s through early 50’s. My car, in question, falls within the 20’s-early 30’s category, so let’s stick with that for today.

First and foremost, I want to explain the build of my Model A Coupster. The term Coupster is a modern term coined which defines a coupe that has had its top cut off. This was a popular method used back in the day when kids couldn’t afford to buy a real roadster, so they would buy a coupe and simply cut the roof off, which explains the combination of the two terms; Coupe and Roadster to make Coupster. My Model A started its life as a 1928 Model A Sports Coupe which is pretty much a coupe with its window frames around the door and door frames that runs from behind the door up and then horizontally to the front windshield post, or A-pillar as it’s known. The difference between a real Coupe and a Sports Coupe is the Sports Coupe does not have a hard top. Rather, it has a soft top. I have provided two examples of each so you can identify the differences.

Now, my Coupster is a 1928 model because it has bolt hole provisions in the rear driver side of the subrail for a single taillight. The 1929 model had the taillight moved to the driver’s side rear fender and there were no bolt holes in the rear subrail for a taillight. My cowl is not original to the 1928 model because the date stamped on the firewall of the cowl says that the car that the cowl originally came on was built, or at least stamped out in the fall of 1929. Nonetheless, my Coupster will be a fully traditional build that features parts used that are as new as 1957, in other words, any parts that I use has to be from 1957 or earlier than that. The Model A body is an original Henry Ford product and not a reproduction body, the Model A frame is original as well. The motor is a 1957 Chevy 283, and a Ford 3-speed is planned, along with a Banjo rear axle and probably a closed driveshaft. Split wishbones, ’46 Ford I-beam axle that will get dropped, juice brakes, Ford steel wheels, bias ply tires, ’53 Mercury dash, Stewart Warner gauges, bench seat, mild channel, Z in the rear frame, leaf springs, the whole nine yards. This car will be more likely to get compliments from your grandparents or parents than from you. Why? Your elders grew up around these cars and I hate to say it, but the older cars that you have grown up around are nothing like what they built back in the day. Now, the average person will think to themselves, “That cannot be safe! He’s using only old parts?” I should remind you that they did that back in 1957 and it was perfectly acceptable. There are plenty of cars like that out there but they just aren’t in Amarillo. My car fits into the hot rod category.

My definition of a hot rod is a traditional build. That means, to me, a hot rod is a completely old school built using old parts. The term “hot rod” is thrown around as loosely as the term “rat rod” which bothers me a lot. Unfortunately, other people in Amarillo do not commonly share my beliefs. I can only count on one hand the number of people that would most likely agree with me. In other words, it’s me versus Amarillo. Will I be the one to say that my car is better than all the other cars? No. I’m not that strong an elitist. I will admit though, I believe mine will have better proportions, overall choices, aesthetically pleasing and will be much better thought-out. But to say my hot rod will be better is something I don’t believe in. It all comes down to whose opinion you’ll be asking.

My definition of a street rod is they are one of the most common forms of old cars you see today, driving down the road. They might be the most reliable but they don’t have much taste. They don’t have a lot of style. They don’t have soul like a traditional hot rod. They might look nice to most people but I’m too much of a perfectionist to be content with what a car looks like. Especially when it’s one I’m building which is why I absolutely will not accept compromises with my build. Street rods oftentimes have crazy paint schemes, two-tone, airbrushing, independent suspension on the front or/and back, billet wheels, and usually follows the latest trend. Fiberglass bodies are the norm here too which I loathe. The ugliest street rods are usually from the 80’s featuring pastel colors with some really funky wheel designs. The 90’s cleaned up a little more but were still ugly. Modern street rods are not as ugly as before but normally have some distasteful choices. Most modern street rods have radial tires, crate motors (usually small block Chevrolets) automatic transmissions, 4 wheel disc brakes, aftermarket wheels, or have tried to combine modern body parts with an old body which never, never works out. Street rods do not bother me as much as rat rods do. They're safe and can drive. Sure they're ugly, but not everyone has good taste.

My definition of a rat rod is blunt. They suck. You want a simple formula for building a rat rod? Get a car regardless of the year, take the fenders off, Z the front and back of the frame enough to get the body within an inch of the ground, and get it running. They are a mix of mismatched parts which aim to deliver an overdose of shock factor and are dangerous. I have seen rat rods that don’t have any suspension travel, that scrap the ground as they drive, that their families probably have obituary forms prepared in case a tire blows out, that have barely half a body to sit in that has been eaten by rust, and pretty much isn’t impressive to me at all. They usually consist of tube steel frames if they don’t already have the original frame with them. There have been so many nice original bodies that have been ruined over the years because of this latest trend. I cannot wait for the day that this trend dies. I would rather there be more street rods versus rat rods although I dislike either. I have never seen a rat rod that I liked nor will I ever. Rat rods to me are the bottom of the food chain when it comes to building a car because for one, they have no aesthetic value, for two, they normally pass as dangerous but are still registered just because it’s an antique, and for three, it’s a rat rod. The DMV should be stricter on what passes as register-able. Just like they should make the driver’s license tests harder to pass. Just like there are moron drivers, there will be moron cars. The only reason I would buy a rat rod would be to save the body that I want off of it and scrap the rest. I would never sell a rat rod frame which would make for one less rat rod on the road. Rat rods tend to give hot rods a bad rap because the average person struggles to tell the difference between hot rods and rat rods. To me, it's as clear as black and white but for the average person, it's grey, unfortunately.

One of the car forums responsible for spreading the idea of building a perfectly traditional hot rod, as well as period correct kustoms, mild customs, gassers, altereds, front engine dragsters, and cruisers is the HAMB, or Hokey Ass Message Board. Here are some links to some of the builds that I follow online that you could check out and get ideas as to what I’m building. I’ll warn you right now that some of the builders have very strong languages and might offend you. If you’re easily offended, don’t look. It’s that simple. Read at your own risk.

Brent's '20 Model T Roadster

Mr. T's '26 Model T Roadster

Chuckles' '27 Model T Modified

Malcolm's '29 Model A Roadster

Bass' Hemi '29 Model A Coupe

Dan's '31 Model A Roadster Pick-Up

Hitchhiker's '31 Model A Coupe

Rolf's '31 Model A Coupe

Scooter's '31 Model A Modified

Oz's '32 3-window Coupe

Mat's '34 Ford Pick-Up

The term “hot rod” to me is defined in a paragraph above, so if you go back and read it again, you may understand it a little more. I don’t believe a Camaro or a Buick Grand National can be a hot rod because to me, these are muscle cars. It can be pro touring, pro street, cruiser, but they will never be hot rods to me. I have a very particular definition of a hot rod and it’s very difficult to prove to me that a specific car is a hot rod. I’ve come to terms that the only way that I will be able to prove to them that my Coupster is a hot rod is to build it and show them.

All in all; I don’t build rat rods or street rods. My Model A is a hot rod. Simple as that.

Valentine's Day: Single Awareness Day

This is one of these blunt posts. Feelings will probably be hurt. Friendships may end. Assassination attempts may be made. Nuclear wars may be started. It may not sound like there's any love in this post, although this post is ironically about love, this comes straight from the heart. This is as honest as I get. There's a hint of sarcasm in there too.

Two topics that play a negative role in my life are living in Amarillo and my (basically non-existent) dating life. More people have commented negatively on the first one because they don't see Amarillo like I do. They don't understand my problem with living in Amarillo. That topic, I can understand why they respond the way they do. But the second topic really surprised me. Some friends brought up their concern about my personal life. I was actually told to be brutally honest but that wasn't something I wanted to do in my school's student commons. I would rather be brutally honest in a more discreet location. When I'm brutally honest, feelings get hurt, people get upset, maybe even mad ..but they did ask me to be brutally honest. The whole "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything" rule came into play pretty strongly at that lunch because things would have gotten ugly had I spoke my mind. But to be brutally honest, that rule has to be broken here, and right now. Here goes..

I had a interesting lunch at school one day, sitting with a couple of friends. 2 of the friends are married to each other and the third person is just an interpreter. They were questioning why I was single and how come I hadn't dated any of the girls in Amarillo. I couldn't summon up the words to describe why because one of the challenges of being intelligent and deaf is trying to find the right words and communicate using them through sign language so that the other person understands me. I've always thought I communicate better online through emails, chatting, or texting than in person because I can make my points more clear and my arguments are easier to understand. I hate to say it but sign language is actually limiting to me. But that's just a challenge I have to go through in life which I don't mind at all.

Anyways, back to the lunch segment of the story. My dating life was in question. I simply explained that there weren't any girls here that I'm interested in. Then the interpreter started naming off every girl that is a part of the deaf community here in Amarillo. None of which I have any interest in dating based on several reasons individually. But I could tell the interpreter was starting to come off as a bit annoyed that I wouldn't date any of the named girls. Then one of the couple asked me what if God wanted me to date the interpreter, would I? While this is a very good question, this is a commonly asked and abused question. I have been asked many times what if God wanted me to date so-so, and ultimately, would I? But I have never had a good response to that question until now.

This is the response I would have gave had we not been in such a public place. I cannot force myself to become attracted to something I'm not attracted to in the first place. So what if I don't like certain girls? There are reasons why I don't that have nothing to do with physical appearances. Yeah, I check out girls that are physically beautiful but do I base who I'd date and who I wouldn't solely on physical appearance? Absolutely not. A girl can be physically beautiful but spiritually ugly, have a horrible personality, bad morals, or the wrong priorities. Don't think just because the beautiful girls that catch my eye are the only ones I'll date. More than often, I don't even try to talk to them or interact, because oftentimes they don't know sign language. There are certain things I look for in a girl and sign language is a major factor. This is just one of the many reasons that has nothing to do with physical appearances.

You know what? I'll just list some of the reasons why I don't hit on every cute chick out there. I dislike smokers, heavy drinkers/drunks, party girls, girls that sleep around, obnoxious, high-maintenance, slutty, unintelligent, annoying, gold diggers, foul-mouthed, girls who have no ambition or goals. You see, physical appearance is not the most important quality. It plays a factor though, yes. Attraction is what starts each and every relationship, although not always physical attraction. Again, I cannot force myself to be attracted to something I'm not. Just like I cannot force myself to love something I don't. Love and attraction are something that just happens naturally. Yeah, I'm a complicated guy. It's hard to please me, but I believe somewhere out there, there is a girl that matches me perfectly and maybe she'll prove me wrong about Amarillo. And that girl will attract me. But right now, none of the girls in the deaf community here fit into that role. Sorry, but that's just the truth.

As for the God question: if God really wanted me to date a girl, He would have had me fall in love with said girl or become attracted to her. That's how He works. We're long past the days of the burning bush. I'm not going to be walking between the HELC computer lab and the JBK Student Commons and all of a sudden a bush becomes ablaze and I hear "Matt, go date this girl." If He wants me to fall in love with a girl, it will happen. Otherwise, He hasn't told me to date any of the girls that you think I should. And to be honest, I'm glad He hasn't. If you think I should date a girl here that I'm not attracted to, then I'm not sorry to tell you no. Try to set them up with one of your friends that might think they're cute but quit pushing them on me when you know I'm not attracted to them. But as for me, this is MY life to live as God sees fit. Not yours. I'm not your personal Barbie and Ken set. You have your own life to do whatever you please.

As for the whole hot rods thing, right now, that is more important to me than finding a girlfriend. It makes me happier than a girl ever has. I'm pretty convinced that should I end up with a wife, she will be hearing, or from a deaf community outside of Amarillo. There are plenty of people who are happier being single and building hot rods than if they were married and had kids. If I end up in that category, so be it. If I don't and I actually end up married and with kids, so be it. And when I made the comment of how I could move into a shop because building hot rods is what makes me happy, I was insulted when someone kept telling me "Oh, you'll never be satisfied with that. You'll be done and there'll still be a hole in your heart and-" excuse me..

Did I ever make a comment about hot rods being more important than God? No. I may be obsessed with hot rods, but is hot rod building a sin? Does it say somewhere in the Bible that "thou shalt not touch the fruits of Henry Ford's labor?" You are simply making a statement based on the little, if any  knowledge you have of me. I can still serve God and glorify His name while building hot rods. I can still go on missions. I can still participate in church. I can still volunteer at church. I can still contribute. There are people who have built and sold hot rods and made money that went to charities and to mission funds. It's not just hot rods. People have made gracious contributions for greater causes doing what they love that has absolutely nothing to do with hot rods. But since building hot rods is a sin, I guess I'll sell everything I have and become idle, wait and see what kind of horrible unspeakable evil can entrap me or what addiction I develop. Sorry, but hot rods has kept me as far away from being idle as anything else can. Including girls. Building hot rods keeps me in line. And when I look back at my high school years, I'm glad I got into hot rods and don't have a bad history with girls. Especially from my high school. God knows how many pregnant teenagers and mothers there are today and over the last several years, and I can honestly say I'm not one of the guys that contributed to that statistic. So before you try preaching to me based on your assumption; Think. Ask. Investigate. Be sure your assumptions are right because the wrong assumption was made the other day.

So I think I've voiced my opinion pretty well and have made my point. If your feelings are hurt or you feel mad at me, remember the request was made to be brutally honest. I'm not a people-pleaser and don't feel bad about not being one. If I lose friends, oh well. From now on, next time you feel the need to bring up your opinion about my life, ask. There are friends whose opinion I'll take to heart and friends whose opinion is worth nothing to me. Frankly, life is much too short to take crap from everyone. I want to be as nice as I can be to everyone but when people start having expectations about my personal life, that's when I draw lines in the sand. I refuse to be the next "The Truman Show."

The Amarillo blog will come at a later time. This question struck a personal nerve with me and just had to be answered.

My Life

If you knew me, you would probably describe me as different from everyone else. I've never fit in with the modern culture of fist pumping partiers.

Don't fret. Differences can co-exist peacefully. This is the way I see it.. You can drive your Prius but I'll drive my Chevy. Just stay out of my way, that's what the slow lane is for. Sure the Prius has better mileage, but my Chevy's faster which is more fun. First, some background..

I have been described as traditional and old school plenty of times.. And I don't consider that as a bad thing. I've never been in Midnight Rodeo and have never found appeal in the idea of going there. I've never stepped in a club. I do have been in a bar or two before, in Fort Worth, that I will admit to. But the experience wasn't enough to make me think that they're a must do on my list. I feel maybe I should explain the whole "fist pumping partiers" thing.

Back in high school, I had never gone to a party. Even in college, I still haven't gone to one. I don't plan on doing that, so does that make me a social outcast? I wouldn't think so. I'm sure there are young adults my age out there that have done the same, or "have not done" which is more fitting. Plus Jersey Shores is pretty dumb, even by today's standards. I have never, nor will I ever, found Snooki cute. Ugh. Who could? It seems that the only memberships the cast has is to the gym and the tanning salon. Wow, what a way to live your life.

I'm sure Alexander Supertramp never had a membership to either one

You see.. My life is more about getting out there. Living my life outside walls. How many of you guys have a bucket list? I have a humongous bucket list. I guarantee you I will never ever complete my bucket list. It would take a thousand lifetimes to do that. Some of the things on my bucket list are cars-related, like driving on some of the world-famous tracks like Nurburgring in Germany, Road Atlanta in Georgia, and some include events like an Illegal Downhill Soap Box Derby in San Francisco, the Moto Melee in California as well, and people I want to meet like Vern Tardell, Troy Ladd, or Jimmy Shine.

Salt Lake Flats, Bonneville, UT

Front Engine Dragster making a run.

But it's the non-cars related events that you guys are probably more interested in. So, I'll spare you the hot rod lingo and talk about some of the things I wish to accomplish in my short time here on earth. One thing I would love to do is live off the grid for a numer of months, like 6. Live completely out in the wild, in the middle of a beautiful valley, surrounded by mountains and trees, miles from civilization.

Or maybe even live on a ship on the ocean! Imagine all the fishing I could do, the sights I could go see, the places I could swim in, and the danger! The danger is something that I believe we all need to experience at least occasionally. How else would we appreciate living? Why should we stay in one house in one town for the rest of our lives? What's the point of living when we have a daily routine? We need to break that habit and get out there and live our lives to the fullest. God gave us a beautiful green earth that we're slowly killing off. We should appreciate its beauty and its natural design while we can. Think of it this way, the first time you smell a candle, do you think "that's all I want for the rest of my life?" No. You pick up the next candle and smell it to see what different scent it might hold. Then you pick up the next one and so on and on. Now, my point of living on a ship is that's something that we're fully capable of doing, but we never take the challenge. We think "I can't, I have a job, I have responsbilities, I have bills to pay." which are understandable. I'm not saying we should go and live on the road and never have a permament residence. I'm saying we should go out there every once in a while and see what else is out there behind the city limits.

I hope you guys find some inspiration from this post. I know some of these things that I talk about are ludricious, but we're only given a certain number of years to spend on this earth. And I refuse to spend those precious years on the dance floor or in a tanning bed. There's more to life than that.